Triple-S: Part II

In my last post I wrote about how I had often wondered what made the difference between those who are successful and those who are not. I explained that whether we achieve success to any great degree depends largely upon three basic principles I call the Triple-S: our Strategy; our Story, and our State. This week's post will focus on our Story.

Very often, those who have achieved success have experienced a breakthrough of sorts. When we hear this it resonates because that seems to be exactly what we're looking for: a breakthrough that will lead us to the holy grail of success. Our quest however, begs the question on exactly what sort of breakthrough we're actually looking for.

Each of us has a personal narrative—a story—that we consistently tell ourselves we must fulfill in order to have an ideal life leading to happiness. For example, we may believe that an ideal life is defined by going to college, graduating, landing a great job, finding the perfect mate, living in a specific home in a specific neighborhood, having and raising x-number of children, and living happily ever after.

Your story is likely different from the one I just described, especially given the multitude of options and differences in ideals among people. But one thing has remained the same—many people believe that in order for life to matter, they must achieve a great deal for life to equate to happiness.

Far too many of us have been conditioned to connect the elements (people, places, job, circumstances) and the progress of our story to how it affects our happiness. And that's all well and good until our lives don't align with the story we have written or envisioned.

The way each of us frames reality is diverse and unique. We interpret our experiences through the lens of our psychology, which forms the basis of our story. Everything matters—from the history of our experiences to our gender and cultural differences. We form attitudes, opinions and hopes that shape what we consider to be realistic, morally acceptable, and noteworthy. We predicate our goals and ideals upon these  elements and systematically use them to write our story. 

Think about a time or circumstance where you were absolutely happy, joyous, or thrilled with life. Chances are it was because your circumstances met or exceeded the story narrative you have with that aspect of your life.

Now think of a time or circumstance where you were absolutely miserable. Can you guess why you were miserable?

When our conditions don't match the story we have written for our lives, we will have pain. When this occurs, there are three choices we can make.

1. Blame something or someone
2. Change our story
3. Change our life

Blaming something or someone has little utility beyond the satisfaction of a temporary and regrettable reaction to an outlet we'd be best advised to avoid. There is no personal growth potential or benefit whatsoever with this misguided approach.

The latter two options have some viability when we consider that we may in fact be unable or unwilling to meet the ideal of what we have adopted as the story we have written for our lives. If this is the case, then perhaps it's time to change our story. There's no shame in taking this approach because happiness is personally defined by a congruence with our story. Changing that story is one approach to realigning our story to match our life.

On the other hand, if you know there are areas of your life that you have the power and willingness to change in order to meet the narrative of your story then you should do precisely that—change your life. Doing so will empower you and re-shape the conditions and circumstances that begin to meet your story.

As the experiences of your life lead you toward the narrative of your story, your ideal of success will be "naturally" attracted to you.

What are some of the ways you can change your life to meet or exceed the story narrative you have written?

One alternative to consider that a lot of people take is to change some of your story and some of your life to find the happiness and contentment you seek. This hybrid approach is often referred to as "an adjustment" that many people make as they grow in knowledge and wisdom in their pursuit of success and happiness.

Part I of the Triple S centered on Strategy. While having a sound strategy is indeed a wise thing, it should be noted that strategies by themselves don't change lives, implementation does. Most people don't implement effectively (or at all) because their story narrative doesn't support action.

I'm sure you've heard some of the more common story narratives before: "I've tried everything and it just won't work." "That only happens in the movies." "You have to have money to make money." "I just don't have time for..." You should divorce these story narratives at once! Instead, find someone who has achieved what you wish to achieve and change your story. Find out what they believe and adopt a similar mindset. I think you'll find that it's refreshingly different from what you believe.

What about you? What's your story? Does your story support the life you're leading? If so, great! If not, why not? What can you do to change things?

By the way, trying to change your story can be difficult if you don't also change your State. Want to know how? Then stay tuned for Part III when we'll take a look at the role Your State plays in the Triple-S process.

Until next time...

-G-


"You have the power to write your own destiny."    
                                                                      ~ G. Westfal


We're proud to announce Gary's next book, set to be released this year. FEAR is a Thief is the first in a self-empowerment series that is written to help people get past fear using five fundamental truths as a basis for understanding and taking action for a better life.

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