A Guide to Emotional Intelligence and Greater Self-Control

Self-management describes our ability to use the awareness of our emotions to actively choose what we say and do, regardless of the circumstances. If you have ever found yourself reacting to your emotions before you have had enough time to process the actual information - as I have at times - this article is for you.

Brain 101...

It is largely believed the pathway of our thoughts first travel through the Limbic system of our brains and then onto the Neo Cortex. While the Limbic pathway serves to preserve memory, it is also a place where emotions are associated with virtually everything we are exposed to: images, scents, habits, behaviors, motivation, and, ah yes, words.

The Neo Cortex part of our brain is largely responsible for processing higher thought functions such as sensory perception, motor commands, spatial reasoning, conscious thought, and language. Our thoughts are processed through the Neo Cortex, but only after they are vetted by the Limbic system and associated with an assigned emotional attachment. It is for this very reason we "automatically" associate various things (people, circumstances, objects, words, images) with an emotional attachment. What is physiologically designed to "help" us to remember by association can trigger a response that may not always be appropriate. If that is the case, we must recognize it and catch it early enough to control it until we can consciously change the association. The good news is that we can indeed change it.

Awareness is Essential

We are hard-wired to experience emotions first, leaving us hardly any time to logically process them. If you think about it, our lives run primarily on the emotions we have learned to associate with virtually everything we encounter. This programming is largely responsible for the relationships we have, from our most intimate to our most political. It's no wonder the world is in such a state of flux. 

Self-management builds upon a foundational skill of self-awareness. Self-awareness is necessary because you can only choose how to actively respond to an emotion if you are aware of it. Awareness gives us a very slight but significant edge in beating emotion to the finish line of conclusion.

The Power to See...

There are subtle things you can do each and every day to influence what is happening just beneath the surface of your interactions with the people and the world around you. These subtleties can lead to a higher level of self-awareness that allow you to get out of your own way as you begin to see things as they are instead of how you've pre-programmed them to be.

When you understand your own emotions you begin to respond to them differently. You will begin seeing situations differently, allowing you to react differently to change. Relationships will change (improve) as you gain clarity through simple awareness.

Look, the sad fact is that most people are simply unaware of their emotions until after they have reacted. This leads only to discord, discontent, and regret. Why settle for that scenario when you can create a positive and productive alternative?

Don't be a victim of an emotional hijacking. Instead, be quick to recognize your emotions as something that is designed to create a pre-arranged mindset that may not always be accurate. Take a moment to breathe and recognize the signals of your emotions and then allow your logical, more rational mind to decide whether or not your emotions are painting an accurate picture of the scenario unfolding before you.

You can develop the ability to better recognize your emotions, allowing you to be more mindful of how they are influencing your behavior, now and into the future.  

  Until next time...
-G-


"Awareness is like the sun. When it shines upon things they are transformed."
                                   
~ Thich Nhat Hanh


FEAR Is a Thief is on Amazon.com and NOW AVAILABLE on Audible.com too! This inspiring book is the first in a self-empowerment series that is written to help people get past fear using five fundamental truths as a basis for understanding and taking action for a better life. Get your copy today at: FEAR Is a Thief/Amazon.

Also be sure to check out: KEY HORIZON, the second novel in the G. Weston spy series. This thriller is receiving rave reviews across the spectrum and has captivated a new following of "spy-fi" readers. 

Get your copy of Westfal's first novel Dream Operative, an #1 Amazon.com Best-Seller!

Order your copy of these exciting novels today at Amazon.com.

For a comprehensive perspective on the diversity of Gary Westfal, please visit his website (www.gwestfal.com).
 If you'd like to receive a notification anytime Gary publishes a new blog (currently about one per month), visit his Facebook page: G. Gary Westfal - Speaker,Writer
Once there, click on "Get Update via RSS" on the bottom left of the column. You'll be subscribed and will receive a notification anytime he publishes a new blog or provides updates. Please help Gary by recommending this blog to others and by "liking" his Facebook page. Let's push this deserving author to the top among the greats where he belongs.

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Triple-S (Part III)

Pursuing success doesn't have to be complicated. Most times it's the simplest approaches that work best. That's not to say or insinuate the pursuit of success is "easy." If it was, well, you know the rest...everyone would be successful.  

In this final part of our series on the Triple-S concept we'll take a look at the one element that, by ensuring it is part of the equation, can have a significant effect on the likelihood of a successful outcome of any endeavor we take on.

 

So far we have covered two parts of the Triple-S formula — our Strategy and our Story. The two are absolutely important elements in our quest for achievement. Without the third element however, we essentially have what amounts to a two-legged stool. It's a good start that will work, albeit with some limitations, but it's an incomplete solution. So, what if I told you the final element will turn a good formula into a great formula that will work every time, all the time?

To achieve success in any area of our lives we must have a strategy, a plan. We must clearly define the goal or objective we seek by making certain it is aligned with our life's expectations, our story. To kick these two primary elements into high gear we must be in the right state.

Think of the last time you were miserable. My bet is you didn't feel the motivation for accomplishing much at all, even if you had a great strategy for accomplishing something. Now think of the last time you were absolutely on top of the world. In that state, I'm certain you felt as if you could accomplish almost anything. You were motivated, excited, on fire! The difference between the two examples has everything to do with what state you were in at the time and the circumstances that brought about each opposing state. 

Our State is broadly defined as the psychological, emotional and physiological condition we are in. Our state shapes our story and serves as a filter that determines how we see our lives. The filter of our state is divided into three overarching elements: our focus, our language, and our physiology.

Focus - Where focus goes, energy flows.

The direction and momentum of our lives are largely determined by what we focus on. That's principally why we must be mindful to focus on our goals and not on what we fear. Resist fear in all areas. A determined focus invigorates the drive and tenacity required to overcome fear and circumstance. It is a difference-maker serving to distinguish the winners from the quitters.

Language - Most people are unaware that the quality of our lives is largely determined by our communication and our ability to manage our state. The words we have running through our minds contribute to our story and reflect our state of mind. Our state of mind is manifested externally by the words we speak and the attitudes we convey. By managing our language we manage our emotions and our behaviors. If your internal default language is negative, it may be time for you to learn a new language.

Physiology - It has been said that emotion is created by motion. In other words, you can instantly change your emotions by doing something. Part of the doing is evidenced in the way we carry ourselves (posture, facial expression, breathing).

Try it. Next time you're feeling less than yourself, adjust your posture. Put your shoulders back, lift your chin, and take a few deep breaths. I promise you'll feel the difference these slight adjustments make in your ability to think clearer, make better decisions, and experience an overall sense of well-being. Movement is key to changing your state. The way you move changes the way you feel. It is the one thing you can do to immediately to change your state.

 

Our filters determine whether or not we will find the strategy necessary to effectively map our goals and whether or not we create a compelling enough story to meet the desires we have.

Whether they know it or not, people change their state throughout any given day. They are happy, angry, judgmental, cynical, hopeful, kind, etc. Not only is this counterproductive, it confuses our subconscious and we end up going in circles instead of on a laser course to our goals and objectives. You can stop the madness by getting ahold of your state through awareness and then taking action to change things. Ridding counterproductive behavior places us in a state of peak performance. Peak performance comes from being in peak state.

We can change our state in an instant, and in so doing, we can change the moment, the hour, or our entire life. A change in state requires only our decision. That's the beautiful simplicity of the power we have over the course of our lives.

The only precursor to our decision to change state is an awareness that our state requires an adjustment. I think of it more like a light switch. Once I become aware of the need for an adjustment, I simply turn on the switch and BAM!...I put myself in a state of peak performance. I make no apologies and am in a state of readiness to address virtually any issue. 

What about you? Are you with me? Are you ready to transform your life from a list of good intentions to the next level of successful achievement? Take a bold step into the world of the Triple-S and watch your world change.


Until next time...

-G-


"Defeat is a state of mind; no one is defeated until defeat has been accepted as a reality."
                                                                                  
~ Bruce Lee


We're proud to announce Gary's next book, set to be released this year. FEAR is a Thief is the first in a self-empowerment series that is written to help people get past fear using five fundamental truths as a basis for understanding and taking action for a better life.

Also be sure to check out: KEY HORIZON, the second novel in the G. Weston spy series. This thriller is receiving rave reviews across the spectrum and has captivated a new following of "spy-fi" readers. 

Get your copy of Westfal's first novel Dream Operative.

Order your copy of these exciting novels today at Amazon.com.

For a comprehensive perspective on the diversity of Gary Westfal, please visit his website (www.gwestfal.com).
 
If you'd like to receive a notification anytime Gary publishes a new blog (currently about every two weeks), visit his Facebook page: G. Gary Westfal - Speaker,Writer

Once there, click on "Get Update via RSS" on the bottom left of the column. You'll be subscribed and will receive a notification anytime he publishes a new blog or provides updates. Please help Gary by recommending this blog to others and by "liking" his Facebook page. Let's push this deserving author to the top among the greats where he belongs.

Please help the author reach more people. If you enjoyed this article you can help by recommending it on Google by pressing the "g+1" button below...

Triple-S

I often wondered what made the difference between those who are successful and those who are not. By "successful" I mean those who seem to be able to achieve most anything they set their mind to in order to bring about quantifiable outcomes—results. As I took a deeper look I began to understand that outcomes are driven by forces, not all of which are readily apparent. So I began looking at things from the inside-out, which was more of an intuitive move on my part than anything else. Turns out, there was more to my instincts than I first realized.

Results, I discovered, are typically materialized by the law of cause and effect. The effect, in this case, is tied directly to the achievement of success in whatever form we can imagine or readily define. The cause is the culmination of everything we must do in order to achieve the effect.

I learned that one compelling reason we do anything is tied directly to why we do it. The why is driven by emotions and is closely connected to the level of effort we're willing to put forth to attain pleasure or avoid pain.

Whether we achieve success to any great degree depends largely upon three basic principles I call the Triple-S: our Strategy; our Story, and our State. Each deserves some elaboration, so I've decided to dedicate the next couple of posts to focus on each one, beginning with strategy.

Strategy

I've written extensively on the importance of having a plan for success. Our plan is driven by the strategy we employ to achieve our objectives. Without a strategy to support our vision, dream, goal, destination, or objective, there is no point in taking any action whatsoever, else we find ourselves running off in random directions essentially achieving little more than frustration.

Unfortunately, most people stop just after the vision part and, all too often, fail to enact any kind of strategy to put their vision on a map and get started with the process of achievement and the pursuit of success. Without a strategy, all that essentially exists is a dream or a vision, which is a vital part of the process. But a dream or vision by itself does little more than create a fleeting fantasy that reinforces the notion that dreams can never really be achieved. Don't buy it for one second!

As an air traffic controller I would meticulously examine the flight plan of each and every aircraft that was under my control. The flight plan defines the pilot's intended course of action—the strategy—designed to reach an objective, in this case, the intended destination. Success in aviation is defined as the safe and uneventful journey of an aircraft from takeoff to touchdown. In life, success is defined by an achievement of some kind. We set a course by clearly defining our destination and by following a strategy to reach that objective.

The strength and reliability of our strategy rests upon our convictions. (There's that "why" again.) It goes without saying that if we are driven to achieve something and if we want it bad enough, we'll find the right strategy. There is no better illustration of this than the dichotomy of the two opposing groups (those who are successful and those who are not).

The success of our strategy rests upon our daily rituals or behaviors. If our rituals don't support our strategy we'll never make it to our objective. Our rituals include all of the obligations, distractions, habits and routines we use to define the construct of our lives.

My curiosity to discover the differences between the two groups led to my own transformation as I began to make changes in my rituals. The differences were subtle at first but significant nonetheless. The significance eventually turned into what my wife likes to call "critical mass" or what I call "terminal velocity." Each of these terms relate to how small changes in behavior or strategy eventually reaches a tipping point of profound momentum, the likes of which produce amazing life-changing results!

Do your rituals support your strategy? If not, are you ready to do whatever it takes to get off the path you're on and start seeing real results? Start by taking a serious look at how you define your life and whether or not your rituals are really helping you to reach your objectives.

Where can you make small changes that will result in life-changing momentum in your strategy? Should you read more? Should you watch less television or get up earlier? If you look close enough you'll see the areas you can change to affect a significant transformation in reaching success. Your only job at that point will be to react to the changes you need to make.

So what's stopping you? Uncertainty? Fear? Great news—those are merely illusionary gates you must walk through. They're in place to separate you from the unaware and uninformed (people). How's that for a bit of encouragement? You can be different. You can be great. You can achieve it all if you'll take a good honest look at your strategy.

To recap...

1. Determine your why
2. Plug into the emotional power of your why
3. Create a strategy
4. Change your rituals to ensure the execution of your strategy

Until next time when we'll take a look at Your Story...

-G-


"Greatness is not where we stand but what direction we are moving." 
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes


We're proud to announce Gary's next book, set to be released this year. FEAR is a Thief is the first in a self-empowerment series that is written to help people get past fear using five fundamental truths as a basis for understanding and taking action for a better life.

Also be sure to check out: KEY HORIZON, the second novel in the G. Weston spy series. This thriller is receiving rave reviews across the spectrum and has captivated a new following of "spy-fi" readers. 

Get your copy of Westfal's first novel Dream Operative.

Order your copy of these exciting novels today at Amazon.com.

For a comprehensive perspective on the diversity of Gary Westfal, please visit his website (www.gwestfal.com).
 
If you'd like to receive a notification anytime Gary publishes a new blog (currently about every two weeks), visit his Facebook page: G. Gary Westfal, Writer, Artist Educator.

Once there, click on "Get Update via RSS" on the bottom left of the column. You'll be subscribed and will receive a notification anytime he publishes a new blog or provides updates. Please help Gary by recommending this blog to others and by "liking" his Facebook page. Let's push this deserving author to the top among the greats where he belongs.

Please help the author reach more people. If you enjoyed this article you can help by recommending it on Google by pressing the "g+1" button below...